The one and only
by vehiku
Summary: Naruto will always be the one and only. Set between Naruto's manga chapters 699 and 700. My reasoning behind Naruto's ending. Rated M for some cursing. SasuNaru. My first story, reviews welcomed.


Why should we bother with sad, pathetic feelings? What does it matter that I feel like dying right now just because you're with her? I always knew I was not supposed to feel this way for you. You are my best friend. We should only have brotherly feelings towards each other, right? That's what I keep telling myself. But I can't stop thinking about you or wanting to be the one to receive that happy smile and feel your kisses…

I know I'm slowly driving myself mad just by pretending that everything is alright and even dating someone that I don't really know if what I feel for is even real. I don't know why I agreed to this double date… I just can't tolerate the thought of you dating her and me sitting around in my house just thinking about you going with her unsupervised and trying not to rip my hair off. I know it's stupid and nothing like what I would normally do… I don't think being here is better though, now that I have to witness how supposedly happy you are with her sitting so close to you and just fucking GLOWING. I understand her though; she has always loved you, just like me.

Once the war was over and we returned to the village, I thought we had become closer than ever. That after everything that was said and done, you really had deep feelings for me, I even deluded myself into thinking that you were really in love with me. Was that not why you had tried so hard? Why you had chased and screamed at me so many times to come home? Didn't you want me by your side? Desired my presence and even dreamed about the day I would come back to Konoha? During our last fight, when you finally said that you were not even sure what you meant with "you're my friend", but you felt my pain. And it pained you too… Didn't you feel my love? Didn't you love me too? I know you do or I thought you did. But I could feel it in my veins. When you fought, when you cried, I knew it so certainly.

It doesn't matter… because we're here now, I see you every day but now I have to tolerate seeing you with her. We are closer than we have been ever before and still so far, I'm not able to reach you at all. I think I sometimes get glimpses of your true feelings when we spar but maybe that's just wishful thinking. Maybe it's not like that at all. So I decided to try and move on as well. I started dating her, I just needed to feel loved and wanted, even if it wasn't you. She has always loved me too… I feel like I'm just using her, and when she kisses me it feels so wrong, I know I shouldn't be with her but there's nothing I can do about it.

I think I see a longing in your eyes when she grabs my hand and laughs with delight at something I said… are you still in love with her? Is that why? You were always trying to charm her too… Maybe that's why I decided to date her; I wanted you to hurt a little as you made me hurt. It fucking hurts. We say our goodbyes and go separate ways. But I know you'll be at my doorstep tomorrow asking me to go and train for a while just the two of us. And I dread it.

I spend a restless night just thinking about what you will tell me tomorrow. Will you tell me how you walk her home and kissed her goodnight or even something worst? I don't really want to know. It really fucking hurts. Because it should have been me… I wish it was me. And now I just don't want to wish, to feel anymore. I just want to run and escape all this, why can't I? Why should I stand this fucked up reality? Being your best friend is fucking killing me. But do I rather not have you at all? I cannot live without you and I know it. You're the light of my life.

Why is everything so messed up? I know, I always knew I should just stay away, not think about this. But I can't. I'm just drawn to you and you to me apparently.

I end up not sleeping at all, and I know you're outside my door even before you knock. I open the door and see you jumping on your feet as if you were nervous, "Hi Sasuke! You look like shit" I know, I couldn't sleep because I've thinking about you with her all night long… but I just say "Had a tough time falling asleep". "Were you that excited about your date with Sakura?" you say… and I think I see a glimpse of something in your eyes. "Not particularly", I answer.

We ended up in the training fields as usual just having a spar and everything seems normal for a moment until you say "I kissed Hinata last night". And just like that all my hopes were crushed. I try to keep a straight face and just don't answer. But my punches I know have become more vicious than before. "Didn't you hear me?" you say.

Oh, I heard you alright. Stop stepping on the remaining pieces of my heart, you stupid idiot. "What's the matter with you?" You say, "I thought you would be happy for me". How could I ever be happy about you being with someone else? I just fucking hate this. You really are killing me. I don't even know when I started fighting for real, I just know that I'm so heartbroken, sorrowful and just plain desperate that I can't control myself. If you can feel my pain then do me a favor and realize that you're the sole cause of it right now. "SASUKE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? TALK TO ME DAMMIT!" I can't, I just can't tell you… this is just so fucked up. "I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!" I didn't realize what I screamed until I saw you stop fighting completely. "What are you going on about; you know you'll never lose me. You'll always be my friend" And you destroyed me completely.

"Fuck this" I murmur, and start to head back to my house to pack. I can't stay inside this village one second longer. I need to leave NOW! "TEMEEE! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING? JUST TALK TO ME!" I just can't do that… "Why are you like this?! ARGHH… This is so fucking FRUSTRATING!" It's worst for me, trust me. "STOP! NOW!" And in a flash you're in front of me with your hands on my shoulders. "What the fuck do you want?" I say really pissed off, "I want to know what's going on with you! You're so confusing, dammit!" you say. Well, I want to know that too… Why did I have to fall for you? "Do you think Hinata is going to replace you or something? Why are you so upset about this?!"

I just look at you directly into your eyes. Can you really REALLY feel my pain? I don't think you can. In my frustration I punch you in the face effectively pushing you away and start walking to my house until I hear you say lowly "You know… We have always understood each other better with our fists and I think I know now how you feel…" Do you really? "I feel just as strongly for you but I've been trying to deny it". "What are you saying?" and I know my tone is more than hopeful. "I'm saying that I accept your feelings and I share them as well, but you should know better than me that we cannot ever be together like that" you say with sadness in your words. "I know, I didn't want to accept this either… but I don't think I can be with you in any other way, Naruto. You know you're my most special person whether I like it or not, and that's not going to change, ever" I say with more conviction than I thought I was capable of. "Sasuke… I've always chased after you for a reason, you're as well my one and only precious person but the only thing I can offer you is friendship. You know well that my priority right now is building up a world where the hate is no longer a constant and there are no more wars, no more deaths. If I was ever to act upon the way I feel for you, as pure and true my feelings may be… I don't think most will consider me a fit leader. People are not ready yet for a love like that…" I know this is the reality we are still living in… Homosexuality is still looked down upon in most places, Konoha not being the exception, and it would be a huge scandal for a Hokage to be found with someone of the same gender. And even if my love for you is eternal, I know as well that if we want to create the world we have been fighting all our lives for, we need to make some sacrifices. No matter how huge they may feel.

"You're right, for once. But it doesn't mean that I should like it… I can't stay here while you're going to be with someone else. I'm just not that kind of guy, Naruto. I want you all for myself and I can't ignore these feelings" I walk towards you and I see you looking anxious. I just want to feel you one time and then I'll be gone, I need to be on my own for a while. I close the gap between us and I hear your breath intake, I look into your eyes and for the first time I see all your true feelings: love, sorrow, sadness, bitterness, desire…

I don't think anymore and just lean down and capture your mouth in a searing kiss. It takes you a millisecond to respond as eagerly. Our tongues dance with each other for a while… I feel hot all over and my heart seems to want to burst… In the back of my mind I can't avoid thinking that maybe you kissed her just like this last night and that abruptly ends the moment for me. I separate panting from your lips and I see you flushed and just as agitated as I am.

"I truly love you Naruto, I just want you to know that and it's because I love you that I have to leave Konoha. I hope you understand and don't go searching for me, I just can't stay here, it just… I just can't" It hurts too much. You look at me and say "I already knew you were going to do this, and I know that I can't stop you. I don't really have the heart to do it either. Please don't think badly of me for doing what I'm doing, I really like Hinata but she'll never be you Sasuke, I just feel this is the only way I can cope with this, with us… With Sakura and you. But please remember that when you're ready to return, I'll be waiting for you even if it is just as a friend" Tears fall from your eyes, and I feel like crying too but instead I just whisper "I know, I'll return when I'm ready Naruto" and I really mean it. I will return when I'm strong enough to see you with someone else. Because I know I'll never stop loving you for as long as we both exist. You're the one and only.

As I walk out of Konoha's gates, I let the first tears fall. I'm crying for you and for me. For the cruel fate we will have to endure. But somehow, I'm just happy that as usual, it is you who will accompany me along this pain and once more, you make me feel like I will never be alone. Not as long as I have you, even if it is just as a friend.


End file.
